Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Stop coughing in my mouth

Want to know how I spent my New Years?? I spent it inhaling the germs of three men (howie is a grown man btw). True, it was three men that I love - but let's be honest snot is snot.

Uncle Lion came to town (riding on a pony) to visit this year and we all got sick. Every time Lion comes to visit he gets injured. One year it was an ankle, the next it was a knee, this time it was his immune system. I don't know what we did to deserve this curse but it's for real bitches. So we spent a week coughing on each other and wallowing in self pity.

The plan was for me to get time to spend time with my girlfriends so that the guys could hang out and do manly things like not showering (which probably still happened) and drinking late into the night catching up on summers past. What actually happened was couches littered with blankets and noses full of snot.

B got sick first which almost never happens, then Howie. I usually get sick immediately, so when it was just the boys I felt pretty invincible. Then we went to San Antonio to take a Riverwalk boat tour in 30 degree weather. So it could have been the cold wind whipping through my sinus cavity that took me down, but I'm pretty sure it was the numerous times Howie coughed directly into my tonsils.

Let's all be honest here, I'm dramatic. I tried to be on my best behavior, but when I'm sick you might as well just assume I am dying because that's how I act. Luckily Howie was pretty sick too so he was down for longer naps than usual, so we cuddled under the covers in my room and he proceeded to cough in to my mouth for a week straight. Yum.

So New Years Eve approached and I had to drag myself and my snot down to the grocery store to get MORE soup. I don't even know if I put on a bra, I was hurting everywhere and probably would have gone barefoot to the store if it hadn't been buttfuck cold outside. Side note - I really don't notice my pottymouth. My brothers are pretty excited to see what words Howie picks up on first. Anyway, I go to the store looking like my worst nightmare and what do I see?? All the pretty people. They have plans. They have sparkly dresses and combed hair. I noticed the absence of snot. I imagined they didn't smell like death. They probably brushed their teeth. They were buying their bottles of wine, and their cheese spreads and they looked so freaking cute. I mumbled obscenities as I picked some suckass movie from redbox and carried myself home to my snot buddies.

Howie and I fell asleep together in a fog of mucous and B came to kiss me New Year at midnight. Such is life.


Mandy B said...

Hahah! I'm still laughing my ass off at this post. Not because you joined the miserable Snot Club, of course. I've managed to stay out of it long enough. It's only a matter of time.