Friday, January 25, 2013

Living in the Moment

Sometimes I beat myself up about not blogging often enough. What is enough? What is too much for that matter? I wonder if I am documenting enough. Then today we went through our daily bed time ritual. Howie got his bath, lotioned cuddled and fed bananas and then we snuggled up with each other to nurse. Usually I read on my phone or tablet until he finishes and falls asleep. Then I usually pick him up and let him sleep on my shoulder for a few minutes. Then he nuzzled his little nose against my cheek and it snapped me back into reality. I want to share everything with my friends and family that are near and far and but I want to live fully in each moment and absorb it all in...and keep it for myself.

I am making a promise to myself to share what I can, when I can but I will honor the time that I have with my family the best way that any mother can, by being there. I want to be present in every single moment and to breathe every single feeling and inhale every piece of every experience with my family.

The first month after Howie was born we ignored calls, let emails pile up and we didn't really take visitors. It was for the same reason that we don't typically answer cell phones at home. When spending time with someone, one should spend time with them. We all owe it to the people who we chose to spend time our time with. I wanted to spend those three months with Howie without any distractions. He deserved all of our attention. He deserved to be the priority. So even though I  became a distant friend instead of a better friend, he deserved it. He will always deserve it.

I won't photograph everything and I won't write about each of our experiences because I plan on living them. Between working, and volunteering, and activities there will be plenty of smiles that will be missed. There will be a day when he doesn't want to hug mom and when my kisses will embarrass him, so for as long as I can, as long as he will let me - I will put the phone down, turn off the computer and live in the moment of now.

wouldn't you?