Tuesday, March 5, 2013

we will not negotiate with terrorists

That is our new mantra around the house. As I recently noted The Tyrant is here to stay but Hopefully we can temper his blow, because right now it is mighty.

Howie has learned to arch his back and throw himself with wild abandon into the unknown. Sometimes there is a warning first like a squishy nose, narrowed eyes, or maybe a call of frustration. Instead of giving me small queues to let me know he is sleepy and ready to nurse he now goes from happy and content baby to full on "I'm going to die if I don't get my milk RIGHT NOW" in like one second. Sometimes he isn't even hungry or tired he just doesn't want his boogers wiped or his diaper changed. I can dig it kid. I hate doing things too. I like to throw a good tantrum. Apparently it's no longer socially acceptable for me to do that, but in my miiiiind I still want to.

When he first started these tantrums we feared the obvious - does he have gas? Is he in pain? What if he is teething? Is it another ear infection? How do I take away my sweet loves pain? I think B and I both remember how painful it was to watch Howie when we were dealing with his acid reflux and that it has colored our decision making with The Tyrant. It's hard as a parent to distinguish between his pain and his frustration and its even harder to stomach the look on his face when he is mid-cry.

What do you want kid a new pony? You got it.
A singing whale? Coming right up!

When he is cranky and fussy we sing songs and dance and make funny noises and other random ideas to get him to calm down.


We are getting better at determining if he is in pain and I would say 7 out of 10 cries are because he is being a brat and doesn't want to get his shit together i.e. getting his nose wiped or his butt wiped for that matter. So in the case that he isn't getting mauled by a bear and he is full of milk we have taken to putting his tantrum throwing bootay in his crib and walking out of the room.

Simple enough concept. I know I've often suggested this remedy to other parents (obviously before I was a parent) in an off the cuff manor as if to say "duh, ignore your kid yo." But when it's YOUR kid the stakes are higher. The connection deeper. I think most moms will agree that we can feel their cries vibrating every cell in our bodies. That's what I feel. It resonates so deeply that to ignore it seems more than criminal just down right morally reprehensible. So overcoming that, to me, seemed like a superhuman feat. Well, I finally got over all that hippiespeak this weekend when Howie wouldn't let me do any packing for our upcoming trip. He wanted to scream and shout and shake it all about.

Howie looking for his crowd.

So I picked him up, gave him a kiss and set him and his ruffled feathers in his bed. I turned on the video monitor, shut the door and waited in my room to see how this little experiment was going to turn out. Well let me tell you folks, within one second of closing that bedroom door he stopped screaming. His little head cocked back as if to say "where the hell did my audience go?!" He looked around a couple of times then sat down and played with his sleep sheep. In ten seconds this baby was singing to the sheep and trying to eat his blanket.

Mom is no longer amused.

I walked back in his room and he was all laughs! I couldn't believe it! I thought it must have been a fluke. Nope. We had multiple opportunities to test this theory. And each time except one he stopped crying immediately. The one time he kept crying was because he was in fact sleepy as all hell. Side note: he has become quite efficient at putting himself to sleep but that's for another post. Side note to the side note: my whole life is a side note.

In conclusion, ignore your baby yo! And don't negotiate with terrorists! They'll only learn to be better terrorists! Unless the terror is real. In that case don't ignore them; meet all demands.

This is the face of a content baby that has found a tag to
play with. He was crying 5 seconds before this shot.


Sophia Harros said...

lol I just came across your blog & I LOVE it! I can totally relate! You are an amazing writer =)